Saturday, 31 December 2011

The New Year is here!!

Happy new year folks.
I hope for all of you that you, live (and let others live) well and....

Breathe easy. \/

Thursday, 22 December 2011

The rare species, called 'Metalheads'..

Aye. So lets list out the favorites first...

[This band needs no God.]
  [This guy needs no introduction. Period.]

According to Urban Dictionary :

A metalhead is a dedicated listener to any kind of metal music. is thought to be angry and violent and evil, but is less likely to kill than a rapper.

That reintroduces us to the title of the post. 'The rare species, called Metalheads.'

Metalheads are not bound or defined by age groups or gender. They range right from tiny toddlers (don't believe me? Watch the video.) to 70 something grannies. (Those who were at the Bangalore Metallica concert will attest to that.)

Here is a prime example of a rare metal head in the making...

Question: How is this girl a metalhead?
Answer: a) She was comfortable in her skin while trying to genuinely headbang.
              b) She enjoyed the feel of the music.
              c) She went head banging all the way to sweet glory, no holds barred.

You might wonder, why I used the word 'rare' to describe this species, as these days everyone listens to Rock, and Heavy Metal and their various derivative genres while throwing that ritualistic devil sign or the 'Moloick' in the air. How are these metalheads rare? If anything, these type of people are like bacteria, they're everywhere.

Now, if you consider yourself a Metalhead, you might be wondering which category you belong to..
Well to be honest, if after reading this, you find yourself to be the common variety then you shouldn't consider yourself a Metalhead at all. We'll find out, but first, let me break out into a small experience..

Sometime a few years back I was at this lounge where a superb band was set to play live. A common friend introduced me to the band members and their friends. I was really excited and buzzing as this was the first time I was watching a band perform live!

So after a bloody mary [yeah you heard it right...bite me!] this dude who was friends of one of the band members, comes up and offers me a cigarette, I hate smokers and smoking so I flat-out declined. Meanwhile he was looking at my drink and he puts forth this condescending tone asking me which band I listen to. I enthusiastically reply, "I follow Rammstein. Love them!". He looks at me and then the bloody mary and goes like "'re not a metal head!". I'm wondering where that came from, and I choose to not argue about that. My silence too prompted him to well up with condescension, as if trying to signal, that real metal heads talk back and fight! All I ended up doing was smiling at his idiocy.

Coming back to the question at hand...what defines a real Metal head ?
You are a real metal head if there are at least 2 of the below points that you strongly feel apply to you..
  •  Whenever you're listening to your favorite band while traveling you start imagining that every person around you is the part of a mosh pit, head banging in unison. i.e. if you find yourself in the below video between the time range 2:19 to 3:25. (Rest is just kinda crap..kinda)

  • Your throat is sore and your head feels like its gonna fall off, after you are done with a concert featuring your favorite band.
  • You know the lyrics of the songs of your favorite bands, and also know their meaning/context.
  • You try to make your parents listen to and appreciate the songs from your favorite band.
  • Your neighbours complain about your demented behavior whenever you visit your next-door pal and play loud music.
  • If this has happened to you.....

  • Your mom and you sing along when there's Sonne from Rammstein playing on the speakers.
  • You converted your wife/girlfriend from a shy lass to a head banging prodigy.
(there's more but this should be enough....)

Now...consider yourself a retard wannabe Metal head if any ONE applies to you...

  • You don't know what " \m/ " means or don't know when to use it.
  • You are at a concert by will, don't know what the music scene there is like (Could be Celine dion or don't know..) ..but still you throw the " \m/ ".
  • You are at a bollywood concert. Period.
  • You think you're metalhead because you think metalheads/bands smoke and drink, like you.
  • You yell "LETS RAACK MAAAN" when you hear something you think is Heavy Metal, but it turns out to be Himesh Reshammiya farting from his mouth.
  • You watch soap operas (applicable to guys & girls).
  • You like Hannah Montana/Justin Beiber/ Miley Cyrus or liked it when Miley did this....

That should do it I guess....Hope you turned out to be what you thought you were.....

If you found at least one point from the "Wannabe-metalhead" category applicable to you then...its OK, your mommy still likes you for what you turned out to be.

But wait...there's also one category of humanity which doesn't belong to either of the above groups...yeah we are not gonna be talking about them here.

So for now...

Breathe easy. \/ \m/

Thursday, 15 December 2011

The truth behind why 'Basanti' danced in front of 'Gabbar' and his minions aka 'Kuttes'...

[Okay this one's totally on-the-fly. I strongly urge the readers to Bite me if they do not agree to the below content!]
So....guess I caught my imaginary reader's attention with the title...and I'm letting presumptions fly when I assume that the whole world knows what movie I'm talking about.

We've all seen Sholay in 'how-many-ever ' parts.... the whole movie...just its ad or described by some weird friend who talks about movies of a bygone era.

This post has nothing to do with any of the above mentioned balderdash! [>.<]

What I do wish to bring to light is a simple fact that I've noticed over a span of 7 years. But first, I must talk a little more crap about stuff that doesn't matter. Skip ahead if you must.

/* Crap describing the scene Begins here*/

So lets recollect the  Basanti-dance-dilemma scene :

The protagonist has been captured by the Villian or 'Gabbar' and has his hands tied to different poles.
Gabbar has also caught the protagonists girlfriend or Basanti [who wants to marry the protagonist in 2 years and hence needs full commitment from him or its the middle finger to his pick up lines.].
                                                             {Guess who is Basanti?}

Now Gabbar wants to watch Basanti dance as shown below, but there's a lot of drama and shit where protagonist doesn't want Basanti to dance to Gabbar....but Basanti is forced or else Protagonist dies!!!

                  (Hahaha ! You read all the above which could be descibed by just this picture!!)

/*Crap describing the scene ends here*/

Now we were made to think by our poor braincells that Basanti danced because the Protagonist's life was threatened by Gabbar. But the reality, in my case, set in after 15 years post watching the movie.
Basanti didn't give a rat's ass what happened to the hero. You see as I mentioned earlier, that after 7 years of watching Basantis [only watching...I've never been the protagonist] I can conclusively say that the reason why Basanti danced was because she knew Gabbar treated her like the way, a HUGE truck treats the common dog/cow excrement on the road.

To be more precise...
Basanti danced because Gabbar's treatment of her like shit, buzzed her brains off , setting off pleasure sensors to such an extent that she couldn't help but dance. In simpler words....she LOVED being treated like that. All that jazz about dancing for the protagonist was only to keep him happy that for him she would dance to death, so that he doesn't feel unwanted. [he's her potential husband you see!]

Now you may ask.."WTF! Why would Basanti love being treated like shit ?"
My friend, if I knew...I already would've fathered half the state's population. Like Chengis Khan did back in his day...[OMFG! HE KNEW THE SECRET!!]

But honestly..its a mysterious fact that all unmarried Basantis, crave [in their own contorted way] to be spat, yelled and cussed at. I'm not saying that they don't get hurt or they don't fight back. They still belong to the human species you see. What I'm trying to get to, is that they love to draw some sort of weird pleasure out of the hurt and the humiliation caused. The one's who treat them with respect and are chivalrous get slapped in the face by their chappal and sidelined.
Now this is where it gets reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally interesting. The slap here is an opportunity for the decent(/gay) Gentleman, to score the chick. How ? Well if he turns vile and retaliates like a mindless blood thirsty hound, then Basanti has successfully turned the protagonist to Gabbar. [$_$ Profit baby!]
But but but....if the guy is genuinely decent(/gay) the wouldn't retaliate...he'd just walk away, thus losing the girl recursively!

Haha wasn't that fun!!?

Anyway, before any dumbass reading this gets inspired to go treat some female like above, thinking he'd be scoring that warned.....
I've also seen genuine ladies [not the common term used by bus conductors...the royal Lord and Lady type 'Lady' ]. These one's prefer chivalry over testosterone. If you are genuinely nice and caring, they will let you be the man, whom they let serenade themselves into a ball room. It really depends on you sir. As you must've heard...birds of a feather, flock together. Not only in terms of what girlfriend you get, but also in terms of what type of female friends or general pals you have. I've been trying to figure out what type of bird I am, myself.

Question: So where does the above, wall of text, leave you?
Answer:  Right where you started when you chose to read this topic.

Because, I started out with the notion that all girls are like Basanti, but suddenly I took a U turn and said that not all girls are like that, contradicting myself [I tricked you. Bite me.]  Leaving us with a null statement. Haha! Chillout.

Breathe easy. \/

Tuesday, 13 December 2011

Gather to Scatter (You and I)..

You and I are lot alike,
whilst I pray, your eyes glow bright.
In the silence of the night,
whilst you weep, I blind my sight.

You and I are lot alike,
whilst you rise to feed your plight,
I search for things, you dreamt last night.
Hiding from pain incognito,
I urge your heart, to let it's rage flow.

Though you and I,
we never seemed right,
the Gift you have, only The Holy might.
Though a withered leaf through the wind I be,
I know what green, dwells within the seed.

Through the ruins, I offer my hand,
to save your essence, from quicksand.
Over your walls, I sling this rope,
slay your demons, there's never 'no hope'.

Minds were never meant,
to be anchored ashore.
Plunge deep down,
into your white hot core.

You and I are lot alike,
let reasons die,
whilst meanings bear light.

- Askios
(Written on - 13/12/2011, 4:28 AM IST)

Wednesday, 7 December 2011

What once was..

Ah! Finally some positive experience to share.. [ yey!! ]

What does an average guy wish for, when he's about to travel in a train for a journey of six hours?
Some common answers would be..
1. Good sleep.
2. No loose motions from the train food.
3. A 'chick' as a co-passenger.

Some time ago, I too was traveling with hopes like these and two out of the above three came true!!
[*hint: 3. Was one of them. Rest, go figure!]

Now as I proceed to settle down with my luggage and stuff, I see this woman, probably in her late 30's sitting in the seat next to mine. I courteously ask her to make way as I was at the window seat. Past, which we both settle down for rest of the journey. She asked me which station it was where I boarded the train and I perfunctorily answered..."Cantonment".

The woman didn't look all that attractive, I actually didn't pay much attention to her face as such. What I did see was that she had dark circles around her eyes and her lips suggested that she had enjoyed a good puff at some point in her life.
I  took out my earphones and started listening to some kick-ass songs that I had downloaded from the net at home into my phone. Meanwhile, the lady took out a book and started reading it. After half an hour I was bored and started looking around [for no reason. What?! I can't look around!?!?] peeked into the book she was reading and saw her reading something regarding "luggage", "unpacking/packing".

I thought what kind of person would write about luggage? More importantly who on earth would READ about packing and unpacking luggage? I was about to shrug it off and turn the other way around but since the woman had already talked to me before [yes! I can never initiate a conversation with another person.] I casually asked her which book it was, and why would she read about packing luggage? She said that it was a book about psychology and talked about burdens of a human etc. etc. and then she said that she was a professional shrink! I was so excited to see someone who wasn't a doctor or a techie for a change and from there on we proceeded to talk about who her clients were [IT companies, NGOs, victims of Rape/Child sexual abuse et al.], how much she charged [Rs.800 per hour] and she asked me similar questions like where I worked and if my job was stressful [those who know me would be ROFLING right about now.]

We exchanged names and from there on we went to more personal questions like where she lived and if she was doing what she was passionate about. And trust me, I had never seen a person in my life who was doing something (s)he was passionate about, before the lady I was talking to.

These kind of people give off a totally different kind of positive vibe when you talk to them. You can see the satisfaction on their faces although you might also see that the person gets only 4hrs sleep everyday.

Suddenly a weird question popped in my mind and I asked her if they employ techniques like handwriting analysis/reading body language etc. for checking their patients out. The answer was negative, however she did employ hypnosis to ease her patients. [OMGWTFAX!!] Soon after saying that she quickly asked me to not ask her regarding the field much, as she'd have to charge 800 bucks per hour.

To divert the conversation [and to save my wallet ] I told her that I was into all these pseudo-sciences like graphology, astrology, face reading and palmistry. She had that curious glint in her eye....and from there we went about talking about human personalities and how they're displayed by the person's handwriting etc.
I told her she looked like a Scorpio and I was right!!
Going along with the flow of conversation we reached at a point where she said that she was married and had a 13 year old studying in school and that was a SHOCKER!!

I mean if I had heard her with my eyes closed she'd sound like a college going chick! She was using profanities like a college going lady. I was dumb struck for a moment. She asked me if I had ever been to Goa, to which I replied as "no". She was like " Dude!! You haven't lived your life!!".
I was sitting there dumbstruck further.. asking myself  "Dude??? She's a mom!! Holy shit! What hole have you been living under?". To defend, what was left of my mano I told her that I had plenty of time to live it up and currently, if I were to be left in a room with a comp and an internet connection with food, I'd be the happiest person on earth.
She acknowledged and said these exact same words "Isn't it interesting to see how simple a human's pleasures are? Its only the society that fucks things up but yeah Goa will still be a big miss....."

It took me a while to digest what she said and how she said it! And soon after she finished saying that she came up with the mother load of a shocker. We talked why Goa was so attractive with all the hot chicks and the weed and stuff. She said that she had tried everything in her college life, she went to bhutan and saw people growing weed in their houses like it was a Tulsi plant. [Now for the shocker] This prompted her to ask me if I had ever done any weed..

Let me put this in its bare bones.....

A mother of a 13 year old...telling that she was once a weeder  and asking a twenty-something guy if he has tried weed.

It was like lightning falling on my family jewels!!
After recovering from the nutcracker I gave the answer as a no. She was surprised and didn't believe me,
[I guess till she realised that I was a boring little doggy.] I asked her how she got to being where she was right now to which she responded as, that after a point in time she realized that she had to do something with her life and followed her passion to do some good, that would help humanity directly and that's why she chose the profession. [these words still remain in the back of my mind.]

But that's not all! Our lady had a second side to her too...
I was so interested and curious to know about her son and her parenting style.
She came out to be like a normal mom who loved her normal bratty son [bratty is a positive word here].
She also was worried that her son would turn out like her, to which I pointed out that she was doing so good for herself and it wouldn't be bad if her son did turn out like her. All I got in return was a smile and the words "Back in those days it was easy to come back from things that I've done...these days its very tough".
Ma'am you've spoken like a true mother! Talk about a 180 degree shift !!

Think of it, she's been to the edge and back. The lady had seen both the ends of the spectrum, she has truly lived! A truly and awe-inspiring persona, I must say.
Hats off to you Ma'am. You're an inspiration to the populace and I shall remember these 6 hours of conversation with you, as the most important and interesting time of my life.

Thank you [Really.]

And for the one's reading this....

Breathe easy \/.

Sunday, 4 December 2011


Ok, lets see if I can still do this.

This is about the common nuisance felt throughout the globe by women.
No, its not PMS. I'm talking about leching.

[ Ah, there goes my wish to begin this blog with something positive..]

Every guy alive on the planet has leched, in it's various degrees, some are so in your face  and INFURIATING, while others are subtle enough to be labelled as "Admirers". I believe even women do that but lets face it, no guy ever complained of a female showing any sort of interest in any manner towards him. [we, very obviously love it!]

Now the question I wish to raise is about the 'in your face' sorts.
What is the thinking process going on behind that, " I'm staring at your tits! Wtf will you do!?", mentality?
Do these dickwads wish to impress the girl by their illiterate, head in ass attitude or do they have an extra set of nuts for brains and they can't help themselves?

You may think that I'm being a feminist and acting like a hypocrite, but trust me, when this happens to your cousin who's walking right besides you, you'll want to pick up a machete and fucking dice that piece of shit on the road right there. Yes, it happened to my cousin. It wasn't as bad as you may think, we were just taking a casual stroll and this, manifestation of dog turd in human form, comes whizzing past on a bike on the other side of the road, from the opposite end, gives a drooling and a VERY obvious look at my cousin and rides off.

Now, my problem while walking with a female is, I always tend to search for traces of malice in the faces of men coming from the opposite side. Its a frustrating compulsion because its brief and drowns me in a fit of rage. It is also the reason, why I'm always inertly tense while walking with any lady friend of mine.

Why do it !? I agree we all have 'stared' at some chick at some point of time, but most of us who're educated enough have kept it discreet and respectful. Why can't you fuctards have some respect for the common stranger ? Its not like you over-dosed on Viagra as a child and suddenly mutated into 'The Eternal Hard-on Man'. Also, its not like you've seen a female for the first time and are curious about the 'things that lie underneath'.
How would you like it if I drooled all over your sister and took it up a notch just coz I fucking-can!

If these assholes think that they can get away with this every time, then they've already stepped into their graves. Its just a matter of lying down and shutting the coffin, for the day is not far when someone gets mind fucked to an extent that he unleashes a murderous fury on their pathetic little lives.

If you're reading this and you fit the description above in the remotest of ways, and if you're educated, you have two choices ..
1. Have some courtesy and respect for a fellow stranger. Yes, admiring is not a sin, but have some self respect.
2. Continue leching and find yourself cornered one day, without your 'gang' around, ready to get bitchslapped to death, and more. Because, you may have a 50 member gang, but when the public gets pushed enough, your ass is going to get L.Y.N.C.H.E.D.

Take care.
Breathe Easy. \/

A little detail..

This blog is my, space on the internet... what I will put forth will always be on a whim.

The content shall vary from post to post, some you may find easy going and others infuriating. The choice of language may also differ, in the sense that at times I may choose to display my boastful magniloquence [like right now]..and at other times I would make it as rustic and crass as possible...

I wish not, to bore you and I with a speech-like pattern of writing. I prefer to write the words I would choose to use in person, face to face. Hope you at the least do not find your time wasted, if not enjoy, reading this blog.
Oh and feel free to speak your mind, if you wish to do so. Unless you're trolling...

So, forewarned is forearmed.

Saturday, 3 December 2011

Hello! :)

Let me give you a heads up of what to expect...
The title "Omniscience" means the complete knowledge of everything. By that I'm sure as hell not implying that I know everything, its a mere wish to throw light on the fact that, such a word exists, which doesn't have anything to do with the blog....or maybe it does [you and I will both have to find that out..]

Now for a brief intro..I want to keep this space about everything that has caught my eye. Simple.

Who am I ?
Again.....I'll tell you when I find out.

Till then...

Breathe easy, shall we?

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